A Tribute to Dear Abby

Part of my morning routine for years has been reading the Comics section of the newspaper including my favorite column, Dear Abby. There's always a lot of wisdom about how to handle delicate situations more gracefully and things that make you stop and think "now what would I do if I were in that situation?"

So I thought I'd share just a little about why I love the column so much, even if I don't always agree with Dear Abby's advice.

She answers questions (and of course when I say she I'm really referring to the entire Dear Abby staff, not just the one name tacked on the column. I know its not possible without help) like...what is flirting?

"Flirting is letting someone that you're interested in know it. It can be a smile, a greeting, a lingering glance, or a touch on the hand, the arm or the shoulder. It does not involve grabbing or overtly sexual touching."

Its simple and genuine in its anwers. The columnist has no self-centered interest--its always what's for your own good, or the good of those around you. Sometimes that comes in the forms of warnings not to do something that will cause suffering, and other times just encouragement to do what is right.

DEAR SADDER: As your letter shows, emotional affairs can be as devastating to a marriage as sexual ones. Although your spouse's affair occurred at business conferences, I receive many letters and e-mails regarding online affairs where the people don't always meet in person. The time and energy poured into these relationships are stolen from the spouse and family.

Sometimes we learn just what kind of person we want to be and what it takes to be that kind of person.

One of the secrets to a happy marriage is learning to forgive each other. If yours is going to work, the two of you must accept that neither of you is perfect and learn to negotiate beyond your disagreements.

Other times its reminders about who we don't want to be:

When people encounter needy, clingy, jealous people, their instinct is to run, not walk, in the opposite direction. --Dear Abby

Sometimes we just learn clever ideas that we might never have thought of on our own:

[As an alternative to having young kids in the boquet toss at a wedding...] DEAR ABBY: When I married, I had a candy toss for anyone 12 or under. It worked wonderfully. The kids had fun and were part of the festivities. -- JENNIFER IN FREMONT, OHIO

This idea in particular was one of the most touching ones I've seen:

DEAR ABBY: My husband's grandmother was in a nursing home when we were married. It was nearby, so we arranged for our wedding party to visit her after the ceremony and before the reception. The nursing staff was excited because that's all his grandma talked about for weeks beforehand. And it was such a special day for the residents! When we arrived, they were all dressed in their "finest" to meet the new bride and groom. The looks of happiness on their faces still makes my eyes tear up! The ladies all wanted to touch my gown and told us about their weddings. Smiles and laughter resounded through the halls. We arranged for a "wedding" cake to be delivered so they could have a piece after dinner.

We were only there for about an hour, but the nurses told us how much everyone appreciated our "gift," and the residents talked about our visit for a long time afterward. Of course, we gave his grandma a photo. She kept it by her bed until she died. -- MARTY FROM EASTLAKE, OHIO

She doesn't shy away from mentioning God in her column. I think that's cool.

Remember: Some of God's greatest blessings are unanswered prayers.--Dear Abby

"I learned from you that rainy days are actually a gift from God to refresh, renew and make us better."

And points out wisdom that may seem common sense, but is easily overlooked.

"It's a truism that people who are secretive usually have a lot to hide"

I hope "Fed Up" opens her eyes and won't be caught up like I was in what domestic violence counselors call "the honeymoon cycle." That's where you bring his behavior to his attention, he promises he'll change, it's a great month or so -- and then he starts drinking again.

It is always about relationships however, and how to improve them.

DEAR FEELING LOST: Sometimes when a person doesn't know what to do, it's time to do nothing.
Your best bet right now is to maintain friendships with everyone and make commitments to no one. You will recover your balance, but for the time being, take a respite from heavy emotions and drama.

The relationship focus is no different than the 10 commandments. Did you ever notice they're all about relationships in some way or another?

Even if the ghost of marriage past [an ex who won't leave you/your family alone] is lurking in the background, you ARE free.[...] consider it "mind over matter." (You don't mind, and he don't matter.) The sooner you do, the sooner you will close the unhappy chapter of your life that includes him.

And you never know when to expect something you read will reshape your way of looking at some situation.

DEAR ABBY: I was 44 before I married, and my wonderful husband was well worth the wait. When I was asked why I wasn't married, I used to say, "Just lucky, I guess." Sometime during my single years, I finally realized that if one isn't happy being single, he or she will not be happy being married either. That attitude prepared me for a husband, delightful adult stepchildren and beautiful grandchildren. -- CONTENT PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE I'M

Is that your attitude about marriage? That you need to focus on being happy now, and not expecting someone else to be a magical solution to all your attitude problems? Maybe we should all think just a little more like that...