You know you're drinking too much coffee when...

• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• You ski uphill.
• You speed walk in your sleep.
• You answer the door before people knock.
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• Your T-shirt says, "Decaf is the devil's coffee."
• You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
• All your kids are named "Joe."
• You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet and Low."
• You don't sweat, you percolate.
• You've worn out the handles on your favorite mug.
• You've built a miniature city out of plastic stirrers.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• People can test their batteries in your ears.
• When someone asks you," How are you?", you say," Good to the last drop."
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
• You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
• You speak perfect Arabic without even taking a lesson.
• Your Thermos is on wheels.
• You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• You think being called a drip is a compliment.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You don't get mad, you get steamed.
• You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
• Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
• You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

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