Engineering Jokes

Who is the better programmer?

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the Judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset and cries, "I have nothing, I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then, " says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pours forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is Intact! How did he do it?"

God Chuckles, "Everybody knows...Jesus Saves."

On the Golf Course...

Moses, Jesus, and one other are out playing golf one day. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. It lands in the fairway but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raises his club, the water parts and it rolls to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovers over the water. Jesus casually walks out on the pond and chipps it up onto the green.

The third individual gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the forementioned pond. On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rests quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumps up on the lily pad and snatches the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swoops down and grabbs the frog and flies away. As they pass over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball which bounces right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your Dad."

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